I feel as if I repeat these above phrases to my heart multiple times a day & I am absolutely sick of my heart...well not my entire heart...but I'm kicking portions of my heart out!!
Come & get it you heartless people!
Free heart portions for everyone!
I thank you God so much for blessing me with such a GINORMOUS FREAKING HEART but it's causing more problems that it does good.
Exhibit A: Dancing with the Stars season finale
I LOVE Donald Driver and I have wanted him to win from the beginning. But how can you not also love Katherine Jenkins...she's adorable & sweet as sugar & goodness she cries so much & everyone can tell she just wants it so badly! So long story short, they announce Donald as the winner & I am frantically jumping up and down and screaming and fist pumping and basically look like an idiot in my living room alone. My celebration goes on for all of 10 seconds, when poor sweet as sugar Katherine Jenkins dawns on me & I return to sitting on the couch with my knees in my chest thinking about how awful this must feel for Katherine. I mean no one likes 2nd place and she wanted it so so so bad. Next thing I know, I'm in bed with the covers over my head, have completely forgotten Donald even exists, sobbing because I feel Katherine's pain, like I'm freaking classical singer Katherine Jenkins herself! Like good gosh was all of these tears & depression really necessary...the lady is a famous classical singer surely she's lost before...no one really wins ALL THE TIME...right?? Watch the katherine jenkins video below and it will break your heart!!!!
Exhibit B: Fort Worth Animal Shelter is in danger of euthanizing
I have always been a sucker for strays. Thank god I have never lived alone & been able to take in strays left & right because then the phrase "cat women" would not even begin to describe me. Breton has first hand experience with this and will never let me live it down...the whole reason we ended up with Mia was because while the dog we were going to rescue was getting shots, Mia ran out of her cage and Breton had to chase her around the shelter for 10 minutes. By the time he caught her, he was winded and glaring at me (I was the one who sent him on this wild goose/Mia chase) but little Mia was just smiling with her tongue hanging out. And I knew she was meant for us...so now we have little piggy Mia! But any whoooo, the Fort Worth Animal Shelter has tooooo many pets sooooooo please please please go and rescue some doggies! The thought of those poor animals getting euthanized just kills me! I've been begging my dad for a couple days now to save a kitty or doggy and i've just been trying so hard!!!!
Exhibit C: The attack of the homeless
When I see a homeless person, I purposely avoid even looking in their general direction because I'll start crying and god forbid hand over my credit card. Images of darkness, rain, hard concrete, snow, starvation, & dirtiness just fly through my mind for the rest of the day. I want to do everything I can to help them. I donate to the salvation army. I've served in the soup kitchen. I've helped out at a clinic & have done health screenings. I pray every night that god will help these people... partly because my poor heart cant take any more breaking at the site of another homeless person multiple times a day since I live in San Antonio.
And Im not even talking about just living homeless beings...I even feel bad for a lonely shoe on the side of the road because it was all by itself, without its other partner to make it a pair (thank you New Girl). I dont even throw away the sock that doesnt have its other partner to make it a pair...I put it unpaired back in my sock drawer just because I feel bad for it and dont want it to feel homeless and lonely. Hoping that in that sock drawer the other socks will make it feel better.
Exhibit D: Bipolar Fighting
I am extremely good at starting fights but horrible at actually carrying out the fight. One second I will be in a "throwing dog leashes, yelling anything I can think of" kind of rage then the next second I'm saying "Okay nevermind, can I just have a hug & then can we go eat." And this mood change is driven solely by the fact that my heart is too big to stay mad & turns into a trembling wimp the minute a fight starts up. Well this might seem fine and dandy to all of you "Love not war" type of people but it really really really sucks for me! I literally cannot be mad at someone even if they did do something mean, giving me a legit reason to be mad at them. Its so bad that I befriend the people that everyone else defriended! Yeah that's right, that annoying nerdy kid, who constantly has buggers hanging out of their nose and breaths so loud you'd think they just ran a marathon and follows you around constantly...yeah, thats my BFF!! All because my ginormous heart feels soooo incredibly bad for that single person...FAIL!
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| 7:00 PM- I HATE YOU! DIE!!!! |
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| 7:01 PM- CAN WE JUST CUDDLE NOW |
Exhibit E: Schedule Smedule
For those of you who are not a nurse or have no nursy friends, nurses have a schedule and you have to stick to that schedule or pop up notifications tell you that you are behind schedule everytime you log onto meditech (nursing documentation program on computers) & then you have to explain why you were behind schedule and "sorry I have a big heart & I cant tell my chatty patient to shut up because I have 3 other patients to get to" is not in the F11 drop down menu!!!!!! Believe it or not this happens to me on a regular basis. During clinicals, multiple nurses have had to ask me to hurry up because I was making them late and behind schedule allllll because I talk and care too much!!! One nurse actually gave me tips on what I can say to get out of a tough situation with a chatty patient so that you can hurry along to your next patient and avoid the pop up notifications. It's sad that this is what the world has come to but apparently I'm going to have issues come December when I am in the real nursing world with my own schedule to follow and answer to. Go figure, I'll probably be explaining how the heart pumps blood to the rest of the body to one patient while my other patient is coding on me next door alllll because I dont have enough guts to say "Sorry, Ill have to answer your question at another time." Welllll thats too dramatic, I'd be able to handle that scenario but you get what I'm saying. Dear God, please shut my heart up so that I wont feel bad for telling patients that I will have to get back to them because I have other stuff to do.
Do you see how all of this is too emotionally exhausting?
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